can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
