I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
