Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize