I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
