3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
