so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize