Can i not drive my cunt home
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
