just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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