I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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