Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
The police scanner is talking about you again....
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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