Im at strip club and am horny
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
well you can't waste a boner
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
We need to get me chipped asap
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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