My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
