I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
