you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
