I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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