Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Randomize
