I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
the day after is always just damage control
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
