Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
