i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
