weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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