I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
