Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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