how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
