I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
