I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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