hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
