Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize