My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
