Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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