but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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