It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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