my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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