I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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