Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
