just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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