Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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