Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
splinters make it hard to masturbate
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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