Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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