After last night, I could never be a politician.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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