Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
