ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
