its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Randomize
