If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
