I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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