i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Four minutes until I can fart!
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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