So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
