Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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