im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
