we're blogging at a bar
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
