the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
