i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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