There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
We talked him into tasing himself.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
