Just cropdusted the office
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
