wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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