I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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