i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
