Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I will pee on everything he values.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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