remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
