where am i from again
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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