You just made me feel so damn special
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
