so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Two words: nipple clamps
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