its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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