If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i would punch a child for taco bell
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
