UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
