"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
