OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
