where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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